“Back into the Light-The story of my life”
I, Jennifer, was born to goodly parents, raised LDS in a large family of eight children. I grew up in Las Vegas. We attended church as a family when we were young and always had family home evening and family prayer before dinner time. We grew up happy and protected. As we grew older, everyone just started drifting apart; from each other and from the church. I was about fourteen when I began to question everything. I wanted to know why I had to go to church, why I couldn’t watch R rated movies. Kids at school always gave Mormons such a hard time; making fun of us for not swearing, for being so innocent. I remember how angry it made me and I realize, looking back now, that it was that anger that finally consumed me. That year, in eighth grade, I started to fall away from the church and started hanging out with a different group of friends. Soon, I was exposed to swearing and picked up a few words. I wanted to shock those people who wouldn’t leave me alone. Then, I was watching rated R movies at non-LDS friend’s homes and even stole a cigarette from their parents to try for the first time. After that, I quit going to seminary. I felt too scared and guilty to go or to return to church but, still too curious and fascinated to stop being bad.
Two years later, by age sixteen, I was going to parties, smoking and trying drinking. I dyed my hair bright blue and pierced my ears, nose and belly button myself. My parents didn’t know what had happened to me, nor, what to do. I started ditching school, getting bad grades and getting into trouble. I had become consumed with friends, boys and going out. By age eighteen, I got my first tattoo. I was so silly and proud; I put a dragonfly smack dab on the back of my neck, where everyone could see it. Little did I think that there would ever come a time that I might regret it or want to hide it. I thought that I would always feel the same; that I would always want to be different, to be bad. Although, deep in my heart, I knew that I was wrong and I was trying to figure out what I was supposed to be doing with my life.
I, Jennifer, was born to goodly parents, raised LDS in a large family of eight children. I grew up in Las Vegas. We attended church as a family when we were young and always had family home evening and family prayer before dinner time. We grew up happy and protected. As we grew older, everyone just started drifting apart; from each other and from the church. I was about fourteen when I began to question everything. I wanted to know why I had to go to church, why I couldn’t watch R rated movies. Kids at school always gave Mormons such a hard time; making fun of us for not swearing, for being so innocent. I remember how angry it made me and I realize, looking back now, that it was that anger that finally consumed me. That year, in eighth grade, I started to fall away from the church and started hanging out with a different group of friends. Soon, I was exposed to swearing and picked up a few words. I wanted to shock those people who wouldn’t leave me alone. Then, I was watching rated R movies at non-LDS friend’s homes and even stole a cigarette from their parents to try for the first time. After that, I quit going to seminary. I felt too scared and guilty to go or to return to church but, still too curious and fascinated to stop being bad.
Two years later, by age sixteen, I was going to parties, smoking and trying drinking. I dyed my hair bright blue and pierced my ears, nose and belly button myself. My parents didn’t know what had happened to me, nor, what to do. I started ditching school, getting bad grades and getting into trouble. I had become consumed with friends, boys and going out. By age eighteen, I got my first tattoo. I was so silly and proud; I put a dragonfly smack dab on the back of my neck, where everyone could see it. Little did I think that there would ever come a time that I might regret it or want to hide it. I thought that I would always feel the same; that I would always want to be different, to be bad. Although, deep in my heart, I knew that I was wrong and I was trying to figure out what I was supposed to be doing with my life.
One day, I thought I had the answer. I remember my Mother asking me, “Jenn, we raised you to be good, to choose the right and walk in the light. We did everything right. Why do you choose to hang out with bad people and walk in the darkness when you don’t have to?” and I responded, “Mom, if everyone good always stays in the light, then who will help the people lost in the darkness to find their way back out?” Now, I can say that this may have sounded ridiculous or even crazy but, I truly believed that maybe I was on this path for a purpose, almost like an undercover angel sent to blend in and rescue people on the outside. I always seemed to have the ability to read into people’s lives and emotions and knew the right things to say to lift them up, to bring them hope in their desperation. My heart was in the right place but, unfortunately, my mind and body were becoming corrupted in the process as a product of my surroundings.
I decided to try changing my life around and at age nineteen, I was attending college and finishing my High school diploma through Community College. I even received my Associates degree in Computer Graphic Arts. Yet, at age twenty-one, now old enough to go out and drink and hang out in bars, the temptation was too great to resist and I continued on my dark and lonely path. By twenty-three, I had gained two more large tattoos. I was up to my neck in hummingbirds and seahorses danced across the bottom half of one leg; beautiful by any artist’s standards but, again, nearly impossible to hide. I had become completely alternative, dressing up for the fun of it and transforming my body into something that I could decorate with clothing, jewelry and, of course, pretty pictures. Yet, my life lacked meaning. I had become self-defeating in all that I was choosing to do. My parents and family didn’t know how to help me. They tried to give me advice, to guide me back on the right road and most of all, to love me unconditionally but, all that was left for them to do was wait. A couple things happened in the following years that soon changed my life.
In 2001, I fell and hurt my back and ended up with three herniated discs. I had back surgery to fix one but, still live the pain from the other two to this very day. At this time, I was also diagnosed with degenerative spine disease. This slowed me down quite a bit. Then, I eventually went back to school at UNLV to pursue a degree in Fine Arts, my true passion, only to get sick with Hyperthyroidism for an entire year, having to drop out of my classes. During this same time, I suffered from a terrible skin disease, brand new and unknown to all the doctors I once visited, it has since been named Morgellans and the research foundation has still found no known cause, nor cure. For that year in 2004, I never left my house. My whole world came crashing down around me; everything that I ever thought was important, like going out and especially my looks and vanity, as my life had become centered on, suddenly vanished. I remember my mother saying, “Jenn, you must feel just like Job from the bible, afflicted by pain, disease and plagues to test your faith.” It was a true turning point for me. All the friends I once had were gone. I wanted to change but, didn’t know how.
It was January 2005, a couple of months after I had finally began to get better and was back in school that my Mother called a technician to come to the house and fix my computer. That was the day that I met Brian. We began dating, soon fell in love and discovered that we would be expecting a baby. From that time forth, life, for us both, changed forever. Together we made decisions to overcome many obstacles. First and foremost, Brian helped me to finally quit smoking after ten long years. Next, we stopped drinking, going to bars, cursing and listening to harsh music. We had started the miraculous transformation that would help us to become “good parents”. That summer, we moved up to Seaside, Oregon with my parents and in late November, we experienced the greatest blessing to come into either of our lives; the birth of our daughter, Zoey Jaedyn. Yet, the day that would truly change our lives was four months later, on Easter Sunday 2005; the day that we agreed to my parents to have Zoey blessed in the LDS church.
I had no preconceived notions of what it would be like. I didn’t expect to feel any different about going there afterwards but, when I looked up and saw my baby, dressed in that white blessing dress; so pure and innocent and the men laid their hands upon her head to give my child a blessing, something broke and changed inside of me. It was testimony Sunday and I listened intently to the speakers, clinging to their words, drinking in the truth and joyfulness of what they believed and how it had helped shape their lives and then, singing the hymns, so sweet and familiar; songs of my childhood memories…it struck a chord so deep within me that suddenly those walls which I had so carefully built up around my heart began to crumble. It was the first time that I felt the Holy Spirit enter back into my soul. It was beautiful and painful all at the same time, like a searing hot knife cutting away the bonds of wickedness that had held me captive in a cage of guilt, sadness and loss for so long. I felt free and joyful, such happiness, I cannot express, for I had found what I was missing; what I had once lost. I remember smiling at Brian and his eyes shining with joy at seeing my tears, for he could see the softening of my heart. It was the beginning of our new lives.
When I made the decision to come back to church, I felt an awakening of myself and a true change of heart. I experienced what they call “a broken heart and contrite spirit”. I knew in a moment, all that I had ever done wrong and was overcome with such guilt and sorrow that I cried on my knees alone in the closet that night for forgiveness. I had become humble, like a child and it was as if I were picking up just where I had left off those many years ago. Brian once told me that it was the first time that he went to Elders quorum and sat amongst grown men who were humble in prayer, willing to share of themselves and their life experiences, even to cry and let their emotions show that he first felt of the spirit and knew that this was the true church. He, having not had any religion in his life was unknowingly searching, just as I was for the gospel of Jesus Christ. Its principles so simple and clearly outlined; it is a guideline for living a happy, healthy, righteous life and most importantly, it is centered on the family. We were so excited. We went home and talked of what we experienced each Sunday. I kept a journal with ways that we could become better people, to be strengthened as a couple and as parents. We started looking for examples.
We decided that we wanted to become good Latter Day Saints. We watched and followed the examples of everyone in church; how to pray, to bare testimonies, even how to dress. We began having the missionary lessons in our home. They challenged us to read the Book of Mormon together and we did. We started having prayers before dinner, starting so simply; just a prayer to bless the food, Amen. Then, they became more formal as we learned how to speak to our Heavenly Father and more personal as we began to develop a relationship with him. We gained faith slowly and gradually through our faith and trials, we gained individual testimonies. Before leaving Seaside to move back to Vegas for better work, the missionaries brought us a pamphlet, the Proclamation of the Family and emphasized to us the importance of marriage. I remember noticing the missionary’s fearful expressions, waiting for Brian’s and my reactions but, we just smiled. We had always told each other that marriage wasn’t that important. We knew that we loved each other and that was all that mattered. Then, they gave us the lesson on the Holy Temple, eternal marriage and family sealing. They also explained to us about the law of chastity and told us that we were breaking sacred laws by remaining together, unwed. All these things we had never known, nor understood and suddenly, we knew in our hearts the next step to be taken in our search for eternal happiness.
On New Years Eve 2007, right after the Las Vegas fireworks show, Brian proposed to me and we were married six months later on June third. It was a beautiful, glorious and long-awaited day and it opened the doors for us, both spiritually and temporally. Brian was baptized a member of the church the very next day and has since received his Melchesedik priesthood. We are now working towards the blessings of being worthy to attend the Temple to be sealed as a family for all time and eternity. I know this will be the crowning day in our lives and that everything we have ever been through and have worked towards have lead us straight to this day and time; even now, sharing my life story with you all in hopes that I may strike a chord within your hearts.
I decided to try changing my life around and at age nineteen, I was attending college and finishing my High school diploma through Community College. I even received my Associates degree in Computer Graphic Arts. Yet, at age twenty-one, now old enough to go out and drink and hang out in bars, the temptation was too great to resist and I continued on my dark and lonely path. By twenty-three, I had gained two more large tattoos. I was up to my neck in hummingbirds and seahorses danced across the bottom half of one leg; beautiful by any artist’s standards but, again, nearly impossible to hide. I had become completely alternative, dressing up for the fun of it and transforming my body into something that I could decorate with clothing, jewelry and, of course, pretty pictures. Yet, my life lacked meaning. I had become self-defeating in all that I was choosing to do. My parents and family didn’t know how to help me. They tried to give me advice, to guide me back on the right road and most of all, to love me unconditionally but, all that was left for them to do was wait. A couple things happened in the following years that soon changed my life.
In 2001, I fell and hurt my back and ended up with three herniated discs. I had back surgery to fix one but, still live the pain from the other two to this very day. At this time, I was also diagnosed with degenerative spine disease. This slowed me down quite a bit. Then, I eventually went back to school at UNLV to pursue a degree in Fine Arts, my true passion, only to get sick with Hyperthyroidism for an entire year, having to drop out of my classes. During this same time, I suffered from a terrible skin disease, brand new and unknown to all the doctors I once visited, it has since been named Morgellans and the research foundation has still found no known cause, nor cure. For that year in 2004, I never left my house. My whole world came crashing down around me; everything that I ever thought was important, like going out and especially my looks and vanity, as my life had become centered on, suddenly vanished. I remember my mother saying, “Jenn, you must feel just like Job from the bible, afflicted by pain, disease and plagues to test your faith.” It was a true turning point for me. All the friends I once had were gone. I wanted to change but, didn’t know how.
It was January 2005, a couple of months after I had finally began to get better and was back in school that my Mother called a technician to come to the house and fix my computer. That was the day that I met Brian. We began dating, soon fell in love and discovered that we would be expecting a baby. From that time forth, life, for us both, changed forever. Together we made decisions to overcome many obstacles. First and foremost, Brian helped me to finally quit smoking after ten long years. Next, we stopped drinking, going to bars, cursing and listening to harsh music. We had started the miraculous transformation that would help us to become “good parents”. That summer, we moved up to Seaside, Oregon with my parents and in late November, we experienced the greatest blessing to come into either of our lives; the birth of our daughter, Zoey Jaedyn. Yet, the day that would truly change our lives was four months later, on Easter Sunday 2005; the day that we agreed to my parents to have Zoey blessed in the LDS church.
I had no preconceived notions of what it would be like. I didn’t expect to feel any different about going there afterwards but, when I looked up and saw my baby, dressed in that white blessing dress; so pure and innocent and the men laid their hands upon her head to give my child a blessing, something broke and changed inside of me. It was testimony Sunday and I listened intently to the speakers, clinging to their words, drinking in the truth and joyfulness of what they believed and how it had helped shape their lives and then, singing the hymns, so sweet and familiar; songs of my childhood memories…it struck a chord so deep within me that suddenly those walls which I had so carefully built up around my heart began to crumble. It was the first time that I felt the Holy Spirit enter back into my soul. It was beautiful and painful all at the same time, like a searing hot knife cutting away the bonds of wickedness that had held me captive in a cage of guilt, sadness and loss for so long. I felt free and joyful, such happiness, I cannot express, for I had found what I was missing; what I had once lost. I remember smiling at Brian and his eyes shining with joy at seeing my tears, for he could see the softening of my heart. It was the beginning of our new lives.
When I made the decision to come back to church, I felt an awakening of myself and a true change of heart. I experienced what they call “a broken heart and contrite spirit”. I knew in a moment, all that I had ever done wrong and was overcome with such guilt and sorrow that I cried on my knees alone in the closet that night for forgiveness. I had become humble, like a child and it was as if I were picking up just where I had left off those many years ago. Brian once told me that it was the first time that he went to Elders quorum and sat amongst grown men who were humble in prayer, willing to share of themselves and their life experiences, even to cry and let their emotions show that he first felt of the spirit and knew that this was the true church. He, having not had any religion in his life was unknowingly searching, just as I was for the gospel of Jesus Christ. Its principles so simple and clearly outlined; it is a guideline for living a happy, healthy, righteous life and most importantly, it is centered on the family. We were so excited. We went home and talked of what we experienced each Sunday. I kept a journal with ways that we could become better people, to be strengthened as a couple and as parents. We started looking for examples.
We decided that we wanted to become good Latter Day Saints. We watched and followed the examples of everyone in church; how to pray, to bare testimonies, even how to dress. We began having the missionary lessons in our home. They challenged us to read the Book of Mormon together and we did. We started having prayers before dinner, starting so simply; just a prayer to bless the food, Amen. Then, they became more formal as we learned how to speak to our Heavenly Father and more personal as we began to develop a relationship with him. We gained faith slowly and gradually through our faith and trials, we gained individual testimonies. Before leaving Seaside to move back to Vegas for better work, the missionaries brought us a pamphlet, the Proclamation of the Family and emphasized to us the importance of marriage. I remember noticing the missionary’s fearful expressions, waiting for Brian’s and my reactions but, we just smiled. We had always told each other that marriage wasn’t that important. We knew that we loved each other and that was all that mattered. Then, they gave us the lesson on the Holy Temple, eternal marriage and family sealing. They also explained to us about the law of chastity and told us that we were breaking sacred laws by remaining together, unwed. All these things we had never known, nor understood and suddenly, we knew in our hearts the next step to be taken in our search for eternal happiness.
On New Years Eve 2007, right after the Las Vegas fireworks show, Brian proposed to me and we were married six months later on June third. It was a beautiful, glorious and long-awaited day and it opened the doors for us, both spiritually and temporally. Brian was baptized a member of the church the very next day and has since received his Melchesedik priesthood. We are now working towards the blessings of being worthy to attend the Temple to be sealed as a family for all time and eternity. I know this will be the crowning day in our lives and that everything we have ever been through and have worked towards have lead us straight to this day and time; even now, sharing my life story with you all in hopes that I may strike a chord within your hearts.
I also tell you all this because I know that there are those of you who are missing family members; those children, brothers or sisters whom have fallen away. I too share in your sadness, for only two out of my eight siblings stayed in the church but, it was through the example of those two sisters and their incredible strength, faith, family, healthy lifestyle and living that Brian and I decided to model ours after. Remember that “the fallen are watching”. Please, do not ever give up on them. Never give up hope that they may some day return. The strings of the church and the love of Christ are deep rooted in our hearts as children and if one has ever known of it, it is only a matter of time before they will feel the need to return to it.
For those of you and I mean this for the youth, who feel bored with being good, who feel tested and tried with pressure and persecution at school for what you believe in or the standards you keep, don’t give in; not even for a second. Even simple curiosity can make nightmares become a reality. Please, learn from me and the mistakes of those before you. I have lost so much time, experienced such heartache seeing disappointment in my parent’s faces and in my own. Do not walk in darkness. Choose the right and walk the straight and narrow path. Know that your friends and peers are always watching you and will follow your example. Stay strong and be leaders. You are the next generation of Latter Day Saint soldiers.
In November, I had a birthday. This year, in 2008, I am now thirty years old and wise. I am back in school for the third time studying and working towards a Bachelors degree as an Elementary School teacher. This is, of course, about the time that those wonderfully colorful and hard to hide tattoos in my story become funny; a school teacher…who would have thought? Also, after two wonderful years of being a stay-at-home Mom, I am working part time in a pharmacy. Life is pretty hectic for me with work and school and, as a family; time together has become very scarce. Brian and I have learned that keeping the teachings of the church in our lives is of utmost importance in living a full and happy life. For my talk I was actually asked to speak on what things I will do this year to strengthen myself and my family but, as you can see, I first felt compelled to paint you a visual picture of what has strengthened us already because I realized that it will remain the same year after year. My rock, the foundation of our spiritual wellbeing is The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.
To me, strengthening our family means daily prayer, holding hands as a family. Even Zoey, at two years old, knows how to fold her arms, close her eyes and will whisper along in her own little baby language with us while the prayer is being said, so soft and sweet, as if she can sense the reverence in our voices and hears the change in our tone and then, finishes with a nice, hearty, “Na-men”. Strengthening our family means daily scripture study; committing to make it a priority to read together as a couple, to make the time because time is never found otherwise, even putting it before ice cream and movie time. When Zoey gets older, strengthening our family will be Family Home Evening, including her in our scripture reading, letting her help prepare the lesson or choose the songs. I wish for my daughter and family to experience what I got to as a child growing up in the church; for my little girl to go to Primary, singing songs like, “I am a Child of God” or to someday have a son who will want to serve a mission. I want my children to know of the importance of Temple marriage and sealing and to prepare themselves for staying worthy.
For those of you and I mean this for the youth, who feel bored with being good, who feel tested and tried with pressure and persecution at school for what you believe in or the standards you keep, don’t give in; not even for a second. Even simple curiosity can make nightmares become a reality. Please, learn from me and the mistakes of those before you. I have lost so much time, experienced such heartache seeing disappointment in my parent’s faces and in my own. Do not walk in darkness. Choose the right and walk the straight and narrow path. Know that your friends and peers are always watching you and will follow your example. Stay strong and be leaders. You are the next generation of Latter Day Saint soldiers.
In November, I had a birthday. This year, in 2008, I am now thirty years old and wise. I am back in school for the third time studying and working towards a Bachelors degree as an Elementary School teacher. This is, of course, about the time that those wonderfully colorful and hard to hide tattoos in my story become funny; a school teacher…who would have thought? Also, after two wonderful years of being a stay-at-home Mom, I am working part time in a pharmacy. Life is pretty hectic for me with work and school and, as a family; time together has become very scarce. Brian and I have learned that keeping the teachings of the church in our lives is of utmost importance in living a full and happy life. For my talk I was actually asked to speak on what things I will do this year to strengthen myself and my family but, as you can see, I first felt compelled to paint you a visual picture of what has strengthened us already because I realized that it will remain the same year after year. My rock, the foundation of our spiritual wellbeing is The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.
To me, strengthening our family means daily prayer, holding hands as a family. Even Zoey, at two years old, knows how to fold her arms, close her eyes and will whisper along in her own little baby language with us while the prayer is being said, so soft and sweet, as if she can sense the reverence in our voices and hears the change in our tone and then, finishes with a nice, hearty, “Na-men”. Strengthening our family means daily scripture study; committing to make it a priority to read together as a couple, to make the time because time is never found otherwise, even putting it before ice cream and movie time. When Zoey gets older, strengthening our family will be Family Home Evening, including her in our scripture reading, letting her help prepare the lesson or choose the songs. I wish for my daughter and family to experience what I got to as a child growing up in the church; for my little girl to go to Primary, singing songs like, “I am a Child of God” or to someday have a son who will want to serve a mission. I want my children to know of the importance of Temple marriage and sealing and to prepare themselves for staying worthy.
It is so important that our children know of what Heavenly Father has in store for them and why they must choose the right. We must teach them the reasons before they ask why. They also need to know that Mommy and Daddy believe and have faith and testimonies in the gospel of Jesus Christ. If we do not bare our testimonies in church or at home, how will they ever know? I challenge everyone sitting here today to make it your personal goal or New Year’s resolution for 2008 to bare your testimony in church, at home, in school or at work, in some small way for your children, families, friends and peers to hear. I know it hard and scary and at church, it may even seem impossible or something like a three ring circus when you try, taking turns with your husband with your daughter running up on stage with you, then, sitting up in your arms while your voice trembles as you speak, all the while begging for you to give her a kiss in front of the whole congregation with her little tongue sticking out. Then, of course, Daddy arrives to save the day and you somehow find the words to finish and you will have done it! Not gracefully but, willingly and lovingly and Heavenly Father will know and understand it. He will smile at our scared words and jumbled thoughts and frown upon our silence. Please, don’t be afraid. We are a ward family here.
Strengthening our family means that as a mother, especially of a two year old, that I find the utmost patience that I have ever imagined myself capable of and then, tap into it and if that runs out, pray for more. I must try not to raise my voice when my child is screaming and climbing out of the basket at the grocery store, when I get hit in the head with a flying sippie cup from the backseat of the car, when I find a half eaten tube of chap stick in my purse, or even when potty training for the day started in the crib, climbed out and left a mess down the hall and into the bathroom where I find my smiling daughter finger painting. In those times, I will remember the love and patience that my parents have shown me, that being a mother was never meant to be easy and that every opportunity to teach my daughter is an opportunity for me to learn more about myself and what I am capable of handling. I must be willing to make the time to spend with her, even if that means getting up earlier to take her to the park before I have to leave for work. She needs to know that Mommy and Daddy both love her and want her to be happy. A home filled with love and laughter is a home for me.
Strengthening our family means that as a wife, I will strive to be more humble and subservient to my husband; to trust and believe in him, to give him the opportunity to lead our family and that as a husband, he will pray for wisdom and guidance, good will and temperance; to always be a worthy priesthood holder in our home. We have learned that marriage is give and take, it is sacrifice and devotion. It is coming part way, finding a happy medium and having a willingness to bend or change. For, change is inevitable. It is a partnership in which both people are helping to create the success of one single unity. We need each other, we love each other and we forgive each other. If I could pass on one piece of advice that I have learned, it would be to say that when arguing does occur and it will, we are but human, choose not to take offence and always be quick to forgive. I will admit that this is the single hardest rule to live by in marriage. It is, by no means, easy. Yet, I have to think about all the precious time that I have lost and wasted staying mad. Let love and understanding fill your hearts and minds, know that anger is the devil’s tool and smile but, mean it. It has a way of lightening the mood, even if only because it confuses the person who is still mad.
Most of all, strengthening the family for us will be attending the temple for the first time this year and being sealed as a family. What great blessings will come upon us for making sacrifices and striving to become worthy and innocent again in the eyes of our Heavenly Father; to know that we will forever be together; a bond that cannot be broken. What blessing could be greater, what goal in life more sincere? We are so lucky to have a temple here, right in our city and I will tell you why. Brian and I had a temple prep class in our old ward a few weeks ago and the teacher was a man from Brazil. He told a story in his broken English of the great sacrifices that the people of his country made, selling their possessions to buy plane tickets, traveling days by bus or boat, sometimes even walking to get to this single temple, thousands of miles away. His voice suddenly broke and my eyes welled up with tears that I allowed to fall freely down my cheeks when he looked at us and said, “Here in America, there are so many temples. We have one right here in our own city and still people choose not to go, choose not to stay worthy or can’t find the time. We have cars, nice homes, jobs and money. We need not sacrifice anything to go. Why do we wait?”
Brothers and Sisters, of everything that I have ever experienced and known to be true in my lifetime, it is the truth of the gospel of Jesus Christ and the divine beauty of our temples and all that they stands for. I believe in Joseph Smith; that he truly did see Jesus, our Savior and the Lord, our Father; that the Book of Mormon is a gift given to us to help guide us in these latter days. I believe in our Prophet today; that he alone has the power and ability to counsel and guide us, the children of Zion, who will teach, guide and rescue as many as we can to walk back into the light.
I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
Strengthening our family means that as a mother, especially of a two year old, that I find the utmost patience that I have ever imagined myself capable of and then, tap into it and if that runs out, pray for more. I must try not to raise my voice when my child is screaming and climbing out of the basket at the grocery store, when I get hit in the head with a flying sippie cup from the backseat of the car, when I find a half eaten tube of chap stick in my purse, or even when potty training for the day started in the crib, climbed out and left a mess down the hall and into the bathroom where I find my smiling daughter finger painting. In those times, I will remember the love and patience that my parents have shown me, that being a mother was never meant to be easy and that every opportunity to teach my daughter is an opportunity for me to learn more about myself and what I am capable of handling. I must be willing to make the time to spend with her, even if that means getting up earlier to take her to the park before I have to leave for work. She needs to know that Mommy and Daddy both love her and want her to be happy. A home filled with love and laughter is a home for me.
Strengthening our family means that as a wife, I will strive to be more humble and subservient to my husband; to trust and believe in him, to give him the opportunity to lead our family and that as a husband, he will pray for wisdom and guidance, good will and temperance; to always be a worthy priesthood holder in our home. We have learned that marriage is give and take, it is sacrifice and devotion. It is coming part way, finding a happy medium and having a willingness to bend or change. For, change is inevitable. It is a partnership in which both people are helping to create the success of one single unity. We need each other, we love each other and we forgive each other. If I could pass on one piece of advice that I have learned, it would be to say that when arguing does occur and it will, we are but human, choose not to take offence and always be quick to forgive. I will admit that this is the single hardest rule to live by in marriage. It is, by no means, easy. Yet, I have to think about all the precious time that I have lost and wasted staying mad. Let love and understanding fill your hearts and minds, know that anger is the devil’s tool and smile but, mean it. It has a way of lightening the mood, even if only because it confuses the person who is still mad.
Most of all, strengthening the family for us will be attending the temple for the first time this year and being sealed as a family. What great blessings will come upon us for making sacrifices and striving to become worthy and innocent again in the eyes of our Heavenly Father; to know that we will forever be together; a bond that cannot be broken. What blessing could be greater, what goal in life more sincere? We are so lucky to have a temple here, right in our city and I will tell you why. Brian and I had a temple prep class in our old ward a few weeks ago and the teacher was a man from Brazil. He told a story in his broken English of the great sacrifices that the people of his country made, selling their possessions to buy plane tickets, traveling days by bus or boat, sometimes even walking to get to this single temple, thousands of miles away. His voice suddenly broke and my eyes welled up with tears that I allowed to fall freely down my cheeks when he looked at us and said, “Here in America, there are so many temples. We have one right here in our own city and still people choose not to go, choose not to stay worthy or can’t find the time. We have cars, nice homes, jobs and money. We need not sacrifice anything to go. Why do we wait?”
Brothers and Sisters, of everything that I have ever experienced and known to be true in my lifetime, it is the truth of the gospel of Jesus Christ and the divine beauty of our temples and all that they stands for. I believe in Joseph Smith; that he truly did see Jesus, our Savior and the Lord, our Father; that the Book of Mormon is a gift given to us to help guide us in these latter days. I believe in our Prophet today; that he alone has the power and ability to counsel and guide us, the children of Zion, who will teach, guide and rescue as many as we can to walk back into the light.
I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
4 comments:
Wow Jen...I loved reading it. Thanks for helping start my day off on a great note. You are a very good writer. I am really happy for you that your life is going in the right direction. All the things you are learning at church and through study make all the difference. Everyone, even those who are keeping the commandments, have trials and hardships. Knowing the plan of salvation and that we have the help of our Lord and the Holy Ghost helps to put everything in perspective and eases the pain. Thanks for sharing your testimony.
Love E
That was an incredible example of a pure and bittersweet testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and the healing power it has for all people. I remember one summer visit, you and I were in the pool floating on rafts, it was one of a few rare moments when you weren't high or sleeping, or off and gone for days. We had the best talk about families and examples and church and prorities, I knew you internalized that talk we had, I'm so happy for you and your family and the power and healing that comes from being obedient to our Father in Heaven. You are now the example to follow...we love you and are so proud of you. Debbie
OK Jenn, I'm bawling right now after reading your beautiful talk and hearing your testimony. I am so touched at your writing of your personal life and the path that you chose to finally be good. We were all waiting and hoping and praying that you would come back into our lives and become the lost sister who was found. You never know how your words will affect others, even your sisters who don't go to church. Mom is already after me to get the babies blessed in her ward. The same thing may happen to me and Barry after our girls are blessed. Mom can be pretty tricky to get us to go to church. I do like church and want to go back. It's just hard making that first step back into church. I cry so much because everyone's words touch my soul. I wonder if I can go to church and not cry. I really appreciate you sharing all that you wrote with us. It was truly beautiful. Love, Shelly
Jen--You have a beautiful spirit. I have always known that you did, but your strong spirit came out in your testimony for the rest of the world to see. I am proud of you. You are lucky to have a spouse who is willing to magnify his priesthood and I think you are both doing wonderfully in your goal to get sealed in the temple. It has always been hard for me to bear my testimony (I understand where you are coming from Michelle), because I am afraid I will start crying and it isn't pretty when I start sobbing and can't talk and snot is running down into my mouth. I also have problems with that "subservient" thing you talked about:) I am too stubborn, bratty, and independent which has caused some of our problems, but our problems are deeper rooted than that. You guys are just starting out, so you have the opportunity to do things right. Your sisters are each unique and have strengths that are good examples to follow. What a great talk and testimony!
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