"Ultimate Disasters"

I was so inspired after writing about my diagnosis for Zoey Monster Disorder, ZMD, (found in the previous 2 posts), that I have decided to put together a fabulous new post of all the absolute worst messes ever captured on film. Warning-some images may not be suitable for young viewers or those faint of heart. I repeat, this is an uncut, unedited version with solid waste products included. Here is my masterpiece, "Ultimate Disasters", Starring, Zoey, age 1-3 years old...

Worst Body Paint (next to poop, which takes first place)

To start off our Ultimate Disasters marathon, we begin with little Miss Zoey, who climbed out of her crib, and then, completely covered herself in Desitin baby cream!

It took 3 days to get it all out of her hair, the clothes had to be trashed and her poor room stank to high heaven for weeks afterwards.

Worst Play Day (I still love you, Eve)

One day, our neighbor's daughter, Evika came over to play with Zoey...I am still amazed at the creativity of these two girls who, within minutes, turned Zoey's entire bedroom into one big "puppy playhouse."

Cute, however, I was not all that happy to have to clean it up myself.

And, of course, here they are hiding, like smart little mess makers.

Worst Loft Mess (before the nail polish incident)

Raisins, baby wipes for changing her baby doll, couch cushions pulled apart (with her hiding inside the covers)...

and again, Zoey, after emptying out every one of her toy drawers.

Worst Idea for a toy (but, she loves them)

Magnetix, they seem so harmless...

Until dork head realizes that they stick to metal! Now, I find them everywhere around the house, on the furniture, the fridge, even in the door jams.

Worst Bedroom Messes (no contest)

What can I even say?

My worst nightmare?

Not even...

You haven't seen the end yet.

Worst New Trick (next was the food pantry shelves)

"Up I go, la-de-da"

"I'm so smart, I don't even know Mom's behind me with the camera. Woops!"

Worst Animal Feedings (Do not put fingers inside cage)

A nightly occurance, Zoey the terribly ferrocious wild-a-beast, eats her meal and when becoming bored, proceeds to splash and throw her food onto the floor, and ending with a final smile at Mom, she carefully pours her milk onto the clean kitchen floor.

Worst Potty Training Accidents (non-censored)

Zoey used to think that she was helping Mama with potty training by trying to change herself and then, dumping the poop out of the diaper by hand into the potty chair as an after thought. What could I say? "Why, thank you, honey."

Soon after, I discovered that we learn best through example. Right, Zoey?

Worst Bathtub Disasters (Okay, get ready)

Just a quick prelude, this is the towel that I had to ring dry two days ago after Zoey decided to pull it into the bathtub to wrap herself inside, making a "boat", as she called it.

Don't Stop Now...This Is It!

Yup, THIS is my worst nightmare ever! In fact, this actually happened tonight, while I was creating this blog post, no less, (how ironic is that?) and no, I'm not kidding.

"Hi, my name is Zoey and I poop in the tub!"

I think this is a real problem. (refer to the definition of ZMD found in post #3 below.)

Of course, now Mommy has to clorox scrub my bath clean, give all my toys a nice little bleach bath and then, give me a brand new second bath!

Here is Zoey's explaination for why she still poops in the tub at age 3.

(She didn't want to get out because it was "freezin'", too cold to sit on the pot, Mom, why not stay in the warm water? Well, it makes sence at least, I'll give her that.)

Worst Funny But, I Shouldn't Be Laughing Episode (okay, it's cute)

And last, but not least, the grand finale'...

"See no evil."

"Speak no evil."

"Hear no evil."